Heavy 23K, engraved all the way round, and made to be worn for fifty years without being thought about. Heavy Old Engraved Wedding Band, 23K gold
The distinction is simple and constantly muddled. The engagement ring is given at the proposal and traditionally carries a stone. The wedding band is exchanged at the ceremony and is traditionally plain. They do different jobs, they were made to different rules, and the confusion comes mostly from the fact that the rules have loosened enormously in the last fifty years.
The three rings
| Ring | When | Traditional form | Who wears it |
|---|---|---|---|
| Engagement ring | At the proposal | A single stone or a cluster | Historically one partner, now often both |
| Wedding band | At the ceremony | Plain metal, no stones | Both partners in most modern traditions |
| Eternity ring | An anniversary or a birth | Stones all the way round | Given later, and covered in its own guide |
The eternity ring is the one people forget exists, and it is explained separately in what is an eternity ring. A half eternity, with stones across the front only, is the practical version, since a full band of stones cannot be resized.
Which goes on first, and why
The convention is that the wedding band sits closest to the heart, meaning below the engagement ring, nearer the base of the finger. The order comes from the ceremony itself: at many weddings the engagement ring is moved to the other hand beforehand so the band can go on the bare finger, then the engagement ring is returned above it.
Practically, the band sitting underneath also means the engagement ring's stone is the one on display, and the band takes less abrasion from the setting above it. Nobody will mind if you wear them the other way round, and plenty of people wear the band alone during the week and both together on occasions.
Do they have to match?
No, and historically they usually did not. Matching bridal sets, where band and engagement ring are designed to interlock, are a twentieth century commercial idea, and they solve a real problem: a band that sits flush against a raised setting rather than leaving a gap. But they also lock you into buying both from one place, and they date faster than either ring would alone.
Two things genuinely matter if you want them worn together. Metal colour, since yellow against white looks deliberate on some hands and accidental on others, and profile, because a tall setting will leave a visible V-shaped gap above a straight band. Antique solitaires often sit lower than modern ones, which is one of the reasons they stack more easily.
The line between band and engagement ring stopped being clear the moment someone set diamonds into a band. Swedish Vintage Diamond Band, 0.50 carats, 18K white gold
Buying antique for either job
Antique wedding bands are one of the genuinely good buys in the trade. They were made in high karat gold, often 18K, 22K or 23K, engraved by hand, and built to be worn permanently. A Swedish or Danish band from the 1940s costs a fraction of a modern equivalent and is usually better made, which is the argument in why buy vintage instead of new.
Two cautions. Sizing. Antique bands are frequently small, and a band with an engraved pattern all the way round or an inscription inside can only be resized so far without damaging both, as discussed in can antique rings be resized. Thickness. A century-old band has usually worn thinner at the back, and a very thin band will eventually split. Check the shank thickness before buying, not afterwards.
The inscription
Antique bands very often carry initials and a date inside. That is not a flaw and it does not need removing. It is somebody's marriage, and a second inscription added beside it is one of the few genuinely good ideas in modern jewelry. Engraving costs very little and takes a day.
Frequently asked questions
What is the difference between a wedding band and an engagement ring?
The engagement ring is given at the proposal and traditionally carries a stone; the wedding band is exchanged at the ceremony and is traditionally plain metal.
Which ring goes on first?
The wedding band sits closest to the base of the finger, with the engagement ring above it, following the convention that the band sits nearest the heart.
Do the two rings have to match?
No. Matching bridal sets are a modern commercial idea. What matters when wearing them together is metal colour and whether the profiles sit flush.
Can a man wear an engagement ring?
Yes, and it is increasingly common. The tradition of only one partner wearing one is a convention rather than a rule.
What is an eternity ring for?
It is given later, typically for a significant anniversary or the birth of a child, and carries stones around all or part of the band.
Can antique wedding bands be resized?
Within limits. Bands engraved all the way round or inscribed inside can only be adjusted slightly before the pattern or the inscription is damaged.
Should I remove an old inscription?
There is no need. It is part of the ring's history, and a new inscription can be added alongside it for very little cost.
Read next: What is an eternity ring? · Which hand does a wedding ring go on? · What is a promise ring?
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